Father’s Day
For me as a father, frankly it sounded very strange, when many years back, I heard of Father’s Day for the first time. The concept did not fit well into my traditional orthodox thinking. In those days all that I could relate Father’s Day, was with the concept of Shrāddha (श्राद्ध) in Hinduism. The performance of Shrāddha (श्राद्ध) apart from other associated concepts is also in a way expression of our gratitude to the departed soul. In our society parents did not expect a formal ‘Thanks’ from their offspring. And I am sure the same might be true even today. I feel all that I did for my children and for that matter whatever I might be doing even today for them is my responsibility as a father. Be it helping them to learn or to help them practice what they have learnt, or even to worry about their problems and welfare is all part of my responsibility. I do it and I don’t expect a formal expression of thanks for shouldering my responsibilities.
As a son my father did not expect formal ‘Thanks’ from me. He did everything for me that he could do. He never complained that he is being stretched, even if he was. There was always a smile on his face for having satisfyingly fulfilled his responsibilities. I find it extremely difficult to take a stock of what I got from my father. What I am today is because of him and his teachings. The list of what I gained (not got) from him can be endless. If I really have to sum up, I would say that he provided me good education and endowed with good Sanskars (संस्कार). Both these have been of great importance in my life. In isolation either of these two would not have helped me as much to accomplish what I have today. This has been my inheritance yet I thank God, rather than my God like father for this. Not that I didn’t want to thank him, but he wouldn’t have liked that. He might have felt aggrieved. But not expressing my thanks has in no way affected our relation. For the first time I formally expressed my gratitude to him was when I performed his Shrāddha (श्राद्ध).
I am not against the Father’s Day celebration. My children wish me on Father’s Day. We spend great moments together, but these are in addition to the great time we have all through the year. Father’s Day is bonus for us even though it’s a formalised one. It’s an expression. I realise expressions are important. Saying ‘Thanks’ is an expression, giving a rose or gift is expression, sending a card or even an e-card is expression, but the expression has a strange relation with expectation. If you expect then the expression carries a different and variable meaning and if you don’t expect then the expression has different dimensions. My generation is sure to debate on this.
The value systems are undergoing rapid changes in our society. In future the word father may not necessarily be confined to biological father. During my school days we made fun of a fellow student when his tongue slipped while telling the class about his father. He said ‘méré ék pitā achchhé doctor hai’ (मेरे पिता एक अच्छे डॉक्टर हैं) instead of ‘méré pitā ék achchhé doctor hai’ (मेरे एक पिता अच्छे डॉक्टर हैं). This may be a reality in the future in our society. The Western society experiences this for long. The proclamation of Father’s Day was in USA in 1924. Well that may be the time when the American fathers started expecting a formal ‘Thanks’ from their children. I don’t know if that expectation has crept in our society and if yes then how and why. Let this day be there, no problems, but let there be Father’s Day celebrations on Guru Pournima (गुरु पौर्णिमा) or on Teachers Day also. For me I take my father as my first Guru (गुरु).
